Body Hate Starts Small

“What do you love most about your body Mom?”

If Josie (7) were to ask me this as a 2 or 3 year old, I would have gotten panicky.

I love nothing about my body. In fact, I searched desperately to find something, one tiny thing I liked, and literally couldn’t find ONE single thing. My cuticles, skin color, nose slope, eye shape were all unfortunately wrong.

Praise God, I am no longer in this mental space. But I have spent a lot of time thinking about how I ever got to that negative place and how many other people are right there where I was today.

For me there was no horrible moment, awful bullying, sexual assault or painful single memory that caused me to hate my body.

I microstepped my way into hating the body I was given.

For those of you in the “forming good habits” world you know about microstepping. It’s the idea that instead of trying to make huge changes, you make one incy, wincy, teeny, tiny change at a time- a microscopic change that eventually over time lands you closer to the wonderful habits you dream of being the “norm” for yourself.

Example: If you want to start a regular exercise routine, start with getting up and stretching down to your toes one time every morning. (see what I mean by tiny? It is hardly noticeable that you are doing something at all.)

You can also take microsteps in the opposite direction- away from choices and habits you want to form. These steps can be so incy, wincy, teeny, tiny that you hardly notice you are slowly edging away from where you want to be.

Example: You forget to respond to your college friend’s text a year after graduation. And ten years later you realize there was one conversation after another that led you farther apart than you intended. And now you haven't communicated for years, and don’t know where to start.

No one ever said to me, “you should hate your body. You should develop a disordered relationship with food in order to keep your body at a size our culture celebrates.”

Instead, incy, wincy, teeny, tiny comments like these helped me to take little steps closer to hating the shell that housed my heart and soul every day. They started before I can remember.

Here’s a few:

Hearing small conversations among women my entire life where they disparaged their bodies.

“ I am so fat.”

“I feel disgusting.”

“I could never wear a bikini.”

Hearing women disparage other women’s bodies quietly.

“It looks like she has gained weight.”

“I am so proud of her for trying to run at her size.”

“someone her size shouldn’t be wearing that”

“If she lost weight that would help with dating.”

Hearing evaluative ( often” joking”) comments from the opposite sex indicating my worth=my body.

“She has a great body, but her face…”

“Who cares about her personality? Look at her”

“Why would Shania Twain’s husband cheat on her? Have you ever seen her?”

Marketing toward women at every store and website.

“Flawless”

“Purely delicious”

“Barely there”

“Sinfully sweet”

Being praised/ignored for how I looked over and over and over again.

“You will lose your baby fat, dont worry.”

“You’ve really maintained your weight loss, I’m impressed”

“I wish I had the self discipline you do with food and exercise.”

“You eat like a bird!”

My body was a failure because as it changed, and grew, expanded, and shrunk it was a prized possession for the world to adore, ignore, or help save. There did not have to be one catastrophic moment that indicated I should hate my body. The culture taught me to hate it, one tiny, teeny, incy, wincy day at a time.

Even at school and church, I was told quietly, but firmly that my body could lead someone toward sin, especially if I had an attractive body. It could lead people to be more virtuous if I covered it properly. That others' body sizes were an indication of their virtue or lack thereof.

Guys.

If you ever wonder why women (and men!) go broke buying new clothes or spend thousands of dollars on wrinkle cream….or if you wonder why the diet industry is a 72 BILLION DOLLAR industry as women desperately try to “fix” their unbroken bodies over and over and over again…

Wonder no more.

Listen to how the people around you talk. Listen to what people say and how they say it, as it shapes and influences children as young as 3 or 4 years old. Our children are listening. Our teenagers are watching.

We must commit to stopping this madness. Luckily, I am not alone. I am part of an anti-diet movement that is taking the world by storm.

Through years of unlearning and unschooling myself in the self objectification women are indoctrinated into from day 1, I can now tell my daughter what I love about my body.

“What do you love most about your body Mom?”

"Josie, what I love most about my body is that it created you. My body is a priceless gift and I wouldn't trade it for another body in a million years."