If you are a client, we often spend a lot more time talking about how we deal with regular life problems than we do about food. Below is a sample of how we might process dealing with habit change.
When you Google the Whole30 you don’t have to analyze if you have internalized shame about your body. You just print out a shopping list and stock your pantry with super healthy food.
Diets come in pretty, neat, and organized packages with set rules and promised results. You don’t have to struggle and search and wonder. You just open and read and commit.
Why do we so often turn to a new diet, supplement, cleanse we can buy as a solution for our issues with our weight? Why do we experiment with the Whole30 before we experiment with finding a therapist? Finding a spiritual director? Making (and keeping) that lunch date with our best friend?
Why do we say we are worried about money and yet find a way to spend $100 on a cleanse package? It must be because you think it is more than just a quick fix, maybe you hope it will be THE fix.
So, why might we want to resist the urge to use a diet as one of our quick fixes?
Mostly because when we quick fix with dieting, it makes our problem worse.
What is a quick fix?
A quick fix is defined as an easy remedy or solution, especially a temporary one which fails to address underlying problems.
In full transparency, I like to engage in quick fix behavior frequently (as mentioned above).
Here are some more of my quick fixes:
Rearranging my furniture, Exercising ( this is a complicated one, but it is a quick fix for me), Going to Target, Getting on my phone, randomly painting my walls, Eating, Watching Netflix, Organizing my basement, Having a glass of wine, and I could go on for quite some time. What are yours?
Why do I use these quick fixes?
boredom, restlessness, distraction, sadness, overwhelm, fear, anxiety, lack of control, frustration, loneliness, pure exhaustion. To name a few possible reasons.
Do my quick fixes work?
For a few minutes or seconds, and sometimes even days, they work, yes. But the fixes never address the root cause of my feelings. If anything, they distract me entirely from what I am feeling.
Why?
Let’s take eating for example. I am bored and simultaneously overwhelmed, so I start munching on a snack in the kitchen. Instead of taking a second to recognize- hey, I am a little bored and I am not sure what project to start next because there are too many to tackle- and sitting with that uncomfortable feeling until it passes- I ignore the feeling because it is not pleasant to feel both overwhelm and boredom. Suddenly I don't have to feel overwhelmed and bored anymore. It goes away and I can worry about how I need healthier eating habits instead.
Here’s the problem:
When we engage in quick fix behavior frequently, we often get very good at avoiding feeling what we are feeling and doing something to take our mind to a sparkly brand new place. And although it feels so good to have a moment of relief, the feeling does not get easier to deal with when we do this. We do not flex the muscles needed to feel and deal. And if we repeatedly don't use these muscles, they get weak.
Like kids, feelings do not take to being ignored very well. In fact, the feelings and emotions can get so loud they are deafening and eventually WILL BE HEARD one way or another. So why not just listen the first time?
Do you want to experiment with this?
Next time you are feeling an uncomfortable feeling try these 3 simple steps.
1. Don’t do anything at all. Put your phone down. Turn off the tv. Just sit there. If this is REALLY hard to do, promise yourself you can engage in a quick fix behavior immediately after this if you want ( “I can get my phone in a minute. But for now I will stay.”)
2. Tell yourself that what you are feeling is uncomfortable and unpleasant. Remind yourself that you are not alone in disliking this feeling. There are countless other people who feel this way too.
3. Imagine standing at the edge of the ocean and watching the feeling come toward you and and crash over you. That is what is happening right now. Remind yourself that the wave will dissipate once it crashes into you. You will not always feel this feeling as strongly as you do right now.
4. Bonus: Consider if this is a feeling that should result in an action or if you should just ride it out. Remind yourself that it is ok to change your mind about that too.
After those steps you can go buy something at Target or make a nail appointment or check Twitter. And those things might help with what you are experiencing too, for a brief moment.
Practice sitting with your feelings like this as often as it comes up for you. And take the power back from our quick fix culture.